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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools? A fruit stand."

"Gravity is a harsh mistress... *... but she has reasonable rates!*"

"My mom said she's going to dig a hole in the garden and fill it full of water.... ....she means well"

"mugger: GIMME UR MONEY ""All I have is this $5 grandma gave me on my birthday"" [mugger pulls off mask revealing grandma] IT'S PAYBACK TIME"

"Why are photographers always so depressed? Because they always focus on the negatives."

"Internet, my Dad's running the London Marathon tomorrow. Oh, he already told you. Of course he did."

"I am so glad that BP is easier to spell then Eyjafjallajokull"

"A man is like a spider.... when he is on the web, he is bound to get his hands sticky...."

"DAD: wat am i chopped liver CHOPPED LIVER: [in this joke imagine choped liver is a sentiemt being] wat the hell is that suposed to mean phil"

"I am a woman . You are not supposed to know what's on my mind. For heaven's sake, I don't know what's on my mind."