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Joke of the Day

"DAD: wat am i chopped liver CHOPPED LIVER: [in this joke imagine choped liver is a sentiemt being] wat the hell is that suposed to mean phil"

"CIA 'Mistakenly' destroys copy of 6,700-page US torture report A CIA spokesperson commented, ""We meant to destroy the 6,700-page US espionage report"""

"Girl: My GrandFather Lived For 96 Years & He Never Used Glasses. Boy: Yeah I Know, Few People Drink Directly From Bottle."

"What's better than winning gold at the special Olympics? Walking"

"I was wondering why everyone at school was forming small groups... ...and then it cliqued! I'll show myself out."

"I'm capable of having female friends. We can totally snuggle naked and I won't try anything funny."

"Why/How do bakers work? They knead the dough."

"That awkward moment when you're in a meeting and your stomach decides to sound like a dying whale."

"Pornhub titles always lack depth, and imagination. Yes, we know college girl tries anal for first time, but whats her major? Her dreams?"

"How many retards does it take to push a bus? Just one. They're retardedily strong."