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Joke of the Day

"LPT: If someone is stubbornly blocking the isle at the supermarket with their shopping cart THINK before trying to ram them. You might be standing in front of a mirror. :/"

"Why couldn't Robin play cricket? Because he lost his bat, man."

"I am learning from my mistake now. My son taught me maths today"

"I'll have an Italian BMT on Cheddar bread with everything but lettuce. A squirt of mayo and yellow mustard too please. Oops. Wrong sub."

"I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home."

"My dad had a good idea. Sometimes when cars drive by your house they honk at you. But you can't respond. That's where House Horn comes in"

"So, this guy comes home to find his house was broken into and someone stole all his lamps. He was delighted."

"Police: We'd like u to come with us to answer some questions about ur husband's disappearance. Mrs. Potato Head eating french fries: why?"

"the scariest thing about teenage girls is all they have to do is laugh near you and they instantly make you feel like total shit"

"Last night, a man assaulted me with milk, butter and cheese. Not much to say really, I got whipped and he got charged with assault and buttery."