90806

Joke of the Day

"Pft damn police.... The lady down the street stands in her window naked watching me jerk off and *I'm* the pervert."

"Every cab driver I've ever had seems like he killed thousands of people in his homeland."

"With my luck, I'll die and get reincarnated as myself."

"11 y/o Daughter: [opens xmas present] uh..cable ties? Wife: she asked for a pony.. Me: a pony? ..SHE CAN'T EVEN LOOK AFTER HER CABLES LINDA"

"I got arrested while jamming on my guitar.. Apparently, I was fingering A Minor."

"How do you stop a thundering herd of Apes? Hold up your arm and say 'Go back you didn't say 'May I?''"

"How do you turn a duck into a soul singer Put it in the microwave until its Bill Withers"

"Sleep is my drug....my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police."

"A man approached Bernard on the street.. Bernard was strollin' down the street when a man approached him asking ""Which is the quickest way to reach the hospital?"" Bernard pushed him under a truck..."

"that earthquake in LA was actually a huge crowd of white girls rushing into a wal-mart to buy a green t-shirt last minute"