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Joke of the Day

"Chicks with big tits always seem to say the right things."

"What did the left leg say to the right leg? Between me and you, we can make a lot of money."

"What do ISIS and anime fans have in common? They both get hot and bothered over cartoons."

"""RELEASE THE KRAKEN!"" ""Kraken's not here."" ""What? Ugh! What can we release?"" ""Gary's here."" ""Gary?! Dammit! Fine... RELEASE THE GARY!"""

"I've never met a Friday I didn't like!"

"Your voice reminds me of a fart. It smells and nobody likes it."

"It should be illegal to play a police siren on the radio. Signed, my pants."

"Last night my girlfriend fell asleep before me, so I decided to lick her pussy until she woke up. This morning she asked why the cat seemed afraid of me."

"""Now, tilt your head and give me total scumbag!"" - Realtor headshot photographer"

"I don't get Roomba commercials. Like who spills an entire box of cereal on the floor and is like eh leave it for the robot to clean up"