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Joke of the Day

"I broke up with a tin of paint this week. I'm feeling pretty emulsional. (CREDIT TO MY MUM FOR THIS MASTERPIECE)"

"*bursts into room Me: GUYS! GUYS! I FOUND A UNICORN Guys: Yeah sure,show us then! *holds up single kernel of corn *gets violently beaten"

"What did one orphan say to the other? ""Robin, get in the Batmobile"""

"I need to buy some maternity clothes. And by maternity clothes, I mean clothes I wear when I punch pregnant women."

"Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life because that field isn't hiring."

"Q.Why is a dog scared of a fire? A.It doesn't want to become a hot dog."

"To the people who have birthdays this week... your parents sure know how to celebrate Valentine's Day!"

"Long-time lurker, first time poster and I had this really great gay joke I wanted to share with you guys Butt Fuck it."

"I thought the wife was joking... ...when she said she wanted to go to Switzerland for a Monkees concert. Then I saw her face...now I'm in Geneva"

"Rape Hotline I called the rape advice hotline. I didn't realize it was for victims."