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Joke of the Day
"What do you get when you sleep with someone and it goes really well? High sexpectations."
Next Joke
"What do Amy Winehouse and Jeremy Clarkson have in common? They were both on top gear."
"The waiter came up to my table and said, ""Can I take your order?"" I said, ""Sure."" He said, ""Thanks, I'm just really hungry."""
"TALKING TO MY DAUGHTER 7yo: I have an empty snail shell collection. Me: How many do you have? 7yo: Zero. Me: ZERO? 7yo: I said it was empty."
"How I view dogs: Beagle, German Shepherd, Poodle, Pitbull, Labrador. How I view cats: Cat, cat, cat, cat."
"How do you get over a crush you've had since high school? Leave the dungeon door unlocked."
"Why isn't there a neutron mod in the Skyrim Steam Workshop? Because there'd be no charge."
"What does a crow with a cold sound like? Caw-ph, Caw-ph, caw-ph."
"if darth vader hadn't gotten a job working for palpatine, what would have been his backup plan? anakin dogwalker"
"Apparently you're not supposed to tell ""That's what she said jokes"" during the Board meeting because it's ""inappropriate"""