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Joke of the Day

"When someone replies late... If NASA can find a way to send an image of Pluto using that Hubble Space Telescope from 4.67 billion miles then why can't you message me?"

"The kids were really suprised when I put ginger in their curry... ...they really *did* love that cat. > Stolen from a recent episode of *Match Of The Day*"

"The trouble with quotes on the internet. ""The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine."" - Abraham Lincoln."

"I have a nightlight flashlight...I can only see in the dark for 2 seconds in 10 second intervals"

"*sits 27 hours for an oil on canvas portrait* omg delete that. Bartholomew i'm serious do not fucking hang that in the Great Hall"

"confucious says man who worships the pussy.... puts his thrust in god."

"I wanted to tell a Lord of the Rings joke.... but all the good ones Aragorn"

"Terrifying to think that one puff of marijuana can transform your life into a carnival of lies & ultimately, murder."

"JK Rowling has written an explanation on Pottermore for a spell that makes your legs fall off It's called the Pistorious spell."

"The memory on my phone is FIFA'ed Sorry.....Corrupt."