90196

Joke of the Day

"Cinderella was arrested for sexual assault... She was found sitting on Pinocchio's face screaming, ""Lie you bastard"""

"""Look guide here are some LION tracks."" ""Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."""

"I walk around with mentos in my ears so everyone thinks I have an iphone 7."

"What is the best part about a prostitute dying in the middle of your session? The next hour is free."

"Yesterday I met a pirate that wouldn't stop telling me about his age. Aye matey."

"Xmas Russian Roulette: 1. Sit next to parents. 2. Type any letter into browser on your laptop. 3. Go to the website it auto completes to."

"What is the difference between your wife and your job? 5 years later your job will still suck."

"""We've been doing this for years, I simply can't be bothered thinking up another long scientific name. Drink?"" - people who named the fly."

"I love when people spend 7 minutes trying to back into a parking space just so they can leave ""quicker"""

"Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover."