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Joke of the Day

"You can tell by a woman's feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you."

"The Alabama State Motto It's not considered incest if you pull out."

"My wife does this cute thing. She sets her alarm clock an hour before she has to get up and then hits snooze 27 times. It's so adorable."

"oh i'd definitely choose flight over invisibility. i'd fly everywhere! to the living room, the bedroom. back to the living room. everywhere"

"A nurse found a rectal thermometer in her pocket and thought... ""Some asshole's got my pen"""

"Have you heard of the new birth control for men? put a rock in your shoe and it will make you limp"

"When is it time for bed at the Neverland Ranch? When the big hand touches the little hand."

"[ring] Me: Hi Mom: You picked up. Me: I know M: Why Me: You called M: I wanted to leave a message Me: Just tell me M: Hang up [ring] Me: Hi"

"I painted 1 room & then the hallway and room next to it looked kinda shabby and I'm guessing this is how plastic surgery gets out of hand."

"I'm a theist I would be atheist, but I left a space for God."