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Joke of the Day
"How do you always keep your shoes tied? Replace the laces with earphones."
Next Joke
"My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, ""It's not working. I cant take it anymore, I'm going to moms"" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?"
"What's yellow has wheels and lies on its back? A dead school bus!"
"Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex. Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life? Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years."
"Parenting styles often relax as you have more kids. For example my 1st born ate only all-natural, organic food. My 2nd eats broken glass."
"Someone just told me to dim the lights and called it a beauty tip."
"The past, present, and future walks into a bar. It was tense."
"Immortality sounded great when I was 23, but now that I'm 38 it just sounds exhausting."
"mum is mad that she bought me a treadmill & i never use it. shes wrong; i put a burger on it just this morning and had it zoom into my mouth"
"My physicist gf told me she loves me to the moon and back .... I don't know if she was referring to the Distance or Displacement."