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Joke of the Day

"My urologist is weird. I peed in a cup. He drank it and said, ""You're fine."" Then he paid me. Don't choose a doctor from Craigslist."

"Data plan Use your whole data plan every month. Remember that there are children in Africa with no data plan."

"Where did the newlywed horses stay? In the bridle suite!"

"Some guy jumped me in the alley...! Yeah he was so nice. My battery had run out because I left my lights on!"

"Synonym is just another word for a word that means the same thing as another word."

"I like to stop drinking somewhere between ""watch this"" and ""ohhhhhh shit""."

"The walk of shame: When you toss a paper ball in trash, miss, then have to go get it."

"Didn't have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 15 books and showered."

"I don't believe in telling little girls they're beautiful. Or little boys. Anybody, really. The human body is truly disgusting."

"Smoking kills. Smoking panics. Smoking tries to hide the body."