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Joke of the Day

"A heart-shaped pizza just means less pizza and that's not a sacrifice I'm willing to make for love."

"I'm not stalking you. I'm trying to help you find that sock that you dropped behind the door before you left for work Wednesday at 7:04."

"My phone got married last week. The service was good despite the lousy reception."

"Someone stole my mood ring and I don't know how I feel about that."

"The two hardest things in programming? Naming things, caching things and off-by-one errors!"

"What's The Difference Between a Redditor and a Calender? A Redditor is a living breathing human being, and a Calender is an inanimate object."

"I have the body of a 25 year old supermodel But it takes up too much space in my freezer"

"I refuse to work with compost It's degrading"

"What has a beginning and an end, but nothing in the middle? Life"

"want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car"