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Joke of the Day

"I'm fluent in Mandarin said the orange."

"A guy is fucking his wife up the ass when the house catches fire. Why does his wife make it outside first? Her shit is packed."

"""Sushi"" is Japanese for ""take a picture of this, white girls."""

"What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? The holocaust."

"Shoutout to grandpa... That's the only way he can hear."

"Why was the battery arrested ? cuz it was charged with electricity ."

"Two fish were in a tank... One says to the other: you shoot, I'll drive"

"Interviewer: Are you good at programming? Me: Yes, I'm very good at writing nondeterministic C++ programs. Interviewer gives me the job. #nerdjokes"

"[Sexting] ""So, what are you wearing?"" A nice blouse and a light sweater. Sensible shoes."

"How to sound authentically Irish when bewildered, befuddled, confounded, or just generally in a tizzy. Say this phrase: Whale oil beef hooked."