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Joke of the Day

"LPT: How to keep time on your hands Get a watch."

"Bread -mummy I'm tired of always eating bread from yesterday! When will we eat bread that was made TODAY? -tomorrow darling."

"I know a girl named Penny But because of inflation, she is going to change her name to Nickel soon."

"What's the difference between a jew and pork ? Cooking time."

"Did you hear that Napoleon broke the Sphinx's nose with a singe shot? It was a one-hit wonder. I'll show myself out."

"i saw a license plate yesterday that said 'i miss new york,' so i smashed their window and stole their radio"

"What do you call a Mexican who loss his car? Carlos"

"What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken"

"Him: Why do you carry a knife? Me: A sword is harder to hide."

"When I see starving children in 3rd world countries, I get so sad knowing there's no way they'll ever be able to retweet me."