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Joke of the Day

"The difference between theory and practice is that in theory George Clooney should have been the best Batman."

"[NSFW] Sex is like flipping a coin Either way you're getting heads or tails"

"This venomous snake is pretty scary. What can we do to make it even scarier? Put a toy for babies on its tail. YES"

"How many livers do people have? I want to make sure I have a backup before I put this thing on Ebay."

"I texted my wife a picture of my flaccid penis. I wanted to let her know I was thinking about her."

"Whenever someone tells me they get a ""high"" from running, all I'm thinking is, ""You've obviously never been high before."""

"when a cop pulls me over i tell him i'm a nihilist and i don't believe in tickets or laws or authority. i do however now believe in tazers."

"Why can't americans play LoL? They can't guard their towers."

"Arguing with an engineer is like mud wrestling a pig... You'll never win and eventually you'll figure out that the pig likes it."

"Did you hear about the guy who tried to have sex with an acorn? He was fucking nuts."