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Joke of the Day

"Anyone remember this from the Austin Powers commercial? ""If you see one movie this summer... see Starwars... but if you see two movies see Austin Powers...."""

"What do you call a cow that just gave birth? DECALFINATED"

"i don't always not give a shit. but when i do. Nevermind, I don't give a shit"

"A man walks up to a girl smoking in a bar. He ask if she knows of sudden infant death syndrome. She replies 'wut'... He says 'cause smoking kills, baby'"

"I'll never forget my grandfather's last words, ""STOP SHAKING THE LADDER YOU LITTE SHIT"""

"How do they pick kids for the Make-A-Wish Foundation? Natural selection."

"I like sleeping with amish women that way i don't have to call the next day"

"Nobody in this grocery store thinks I'm a good bowler. Also, clean up in aisle four."

"7: what do you want for your birthday? Me: idk a new car 7: ok *walks away* [ 2 min later ] 7: what do you want that's under $6.42?"

"Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on Twitter right now....."