89217

Joke of the Day

"I have seen this one on here before but nobody ever gets it right... A baby seal walks into a club - What a tragedy...."

"me: [gets on one knee] GF: [gasps] me: [reaches into pocket] GF: OMG me: [pulls phone out] don't move there's a Pokemon on your foot"

"I'll be tweeting telepathically today, so if you think of something funny, that's me."

"Oil If: Peanut oil is made from peanuts. Olive oil is made from olives. Corn oil is made from corn. Then: What is baby oil made from?"

"If a woman wears a ponytail holder on her wrist at all times that means she's always down to pull her hair back and fight you."

"What did Spock find in the Enterprise Bathroom? The Captain's Log."

"The Beatles drummer, Ringo Starr, has passed away... ...the band is now known as ""The Beatless""."

"I taught the kids to sign my name on report cards and detention slips because a good parent knows how to delegate responsibility."

"What I hate about pasta is how they change the shape and act like it's a different food. I'm out to expose the fraud."

"FEmale The original iron man. (clever feminist joke I read on a T-shirt. Not actually a huge feminist.)"