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Joke of the Day

"[interview with girl at dating agency] i get shy around pretty girls [girl smiles brushing hair from her face] ""are you shy now"" not really"

"I'd hate to play baseball with the witches from Macbeth Because they think that Fair is Foul and Foul is Fair."

"It's surprising how little people change Actually the process isn't that different, other than the tiny clothes"

"The difference between a comedian and a psycopath is good delivery"

"What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft? A flat minor"

"I'll be shaking hands with business people in front of a globe today if any stock photographers want to make some easy cash."

"I'm sorry I stabbed all your tires, but in my defense you flirted with me and then said you were just kidding."

"What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky"

"My Roommate wanted me to play the popular game Fuck, Marry, Kill... But now I am confused. What should I do with my husband's dead body?"

"I've been busy. What are we unnecessarily outraged about now?"