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Joke of the Day

"A girl asked her mom if it's true that babies come out of where men put there penises. Mom said yes that's true. The girl said but mom wouldn't that break my Jaw?"

"I'm 36 but have the body an 18-year-old The police are pretty upset about it."

"Having sex is like riding a bike. Specifically, like that scene in Pee-wee's Big Adventure where everyone in the world has a bike except you"

"Theravada Monks purge all their earthly possessions to express their faith and pursue spiritual stillness of mind. I did it because fleas."

"- Are you excited sir? - Yes! I'm gonna feed whales & pet dolphins! - Sir, this flight is going to Finland - That's like Seaworld, right?"

"What did the Hurricane say to the Palm tree? Hold onto your nuts this ain't going to be any ordinary Blow Job!!"

"My friend asked me how long I'v been married. I told him 15 years, but with the wind chill it feels like 30"

"""haha yeah totally"" - me to cab drivers"

"Carl: So hot today. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: During WW II, Americans tried to train bats to drop bombs. Me: Fair enough."

"What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team? The guy would survive the first round."