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Joke of the Day

"Wanna hear a good abortion joke? Uhhh... Nevermind.."

"Some dude just yelled at me for texting and driving...I told him to get off my hood and mind his own business."

"I hate it when you buy a packet of M&Ms And it's full of W's."

"Wife: He only hears what he wants to hear... Therapist: Is this true? Me: She's right. Space Jam is the greatest movie of all time."

"Whats worse than ants in your pants? Your uncle."

"When you anticipate, you make an ant out of I, ci and pate."

"Mom says to Dad: ""I've found a BDSM magazine under our son's bed. What are we supposed to do about it?"" Dad replies: ""I don't know honey, but I think, hitting him would be very wrong."""

"Just watched a guy walk out of the tanning place and immediately light a cigarette. Slow down, buddy. Don't get all the cancer today!"

"Accidentally poured myself a glass of vodka at 9am. Accidentally drank it too. I'm so fcuking clumsy."

"What did the father lightning bolt do to his son when he miabehaved? He grounded him."