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Joke of the Day

"World: Hey check out this sport we made called football. America: *sips beer* Check out this other sport I just made called football."

"Are u alright? No I'm half left"

"How do you make a dead dog shake? 2 scoops ice cream, 1 scoop dead dog."

"[NSFW] What do you get when you fuck a dead person in the ass? Cold cumfart"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? Garbanzo beans were never the subject of bad puns."

"Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run too if your name was ""Raaawwwrgggah""."

"""I'm so over you."" - A blanket."

"there are 1,013,913 english words but I never could string together any of them to accurately explain how much I want to hit u with a chair"

"[giving mother in law my famous salad dressing recipe over the phone] 1 part vinegar, then *bites lip so I don't laugh* 2 parts baking soda"

"My youngest brother told me this one, he laughed for hours afterwards. What's worse than being a butt-half? Being a butt-whole!"