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Joke of the Day

"[Robot Uprising] Human: Oh no a robot! What kind are you? Robot: I am a counting machine Human: Oh thank g Robot: Now killing human #53822"

"The mantra to a successful relationship find someone who likes the same thermostat setting as you do."

"So in 2016 I've decided to leave all the negative people behind. So im sorry if i owe you money because im moving on from that now."

"british waiter: what topping would ye fancy on yer pizza? british guy: tea british waiter: jolly good choice [both laugh britishingly]"

"My grandfather told me that our generation depends too much on technology... ...so I unplugged his life support."

"Why are most weather forecasters men? Because when they promise a foot, you know you're only getting three inches."

"Complicated I was playing a game the other day with a storyline that made spaghetti look like a straight line"

"What do you do if the Ocean stares at you? Sea it and Wave :3"

"Sometimes I'll just go ""liking"" some shit on the Internet and I honestly don't even know if I really mean it."

"Jehovah's Witnesses They have to be the worst at knock knock jokes."