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Joke of the Day

"Freud had it wrong, women don't have penis envy, men have boob envy. Explains the obesity epidemic and my need to breastfeed daily."

"Are you free on saturday? Of course im free im AMERICAN!"

"my default response when someone questions a risky text of mine is ""sorry, I was drunk."" But now everyone thinks I'm an alcoholic so..shit."

"""Then, the handsome prince sees her dead body laying there and has to kiss her."" ""Ummm, what?"" ""Trust me, the kids will love it."""

"What did the salt say to the pepper? Season's greetings!"

"Did you hear about the TV show with FBI agents and witches? It's called The Hex-Files."

"Ever hear about the baby born with no eye lids? they used the skin from his circumcision to make some so now he is cock eyed"

"They call them ""reality shows"" but none of them are about drunk people scrolling through meaningless crap on the internet all night."

"How long does it take to for Mexicans to do a job? Oh, wait... they're done."

"People that live in glass houses have tons of dead birds on their lawn."