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Joke of the Day

"Why was the chemist not able to get very far in his study of acids? He was only willing to consider the most basic of solutions."

"""ranch goes with everything"" i whisper while placing a bottle of ranch in grandma's coffin"

"TIL the tooth brush was invented in Arkansas. If it was invented anywhere else it would have been called the teeth brush."

"This banker I know has absolutely no friends... I think he's loanly"

"Self-deprecating humor is kind of my thing, or at least that's what I tell myself."

"Packing to move is the probably the worst game of Tetris I've ever played."

"""Mom, I found out I had colon cancer today."" ""REALLY? What are the symptoms??"" ""Why do I always have to start a list..."""

"Did you hear? LeBron James is starting an underwear line... They're called LeBron Johns."

"I stole a friend's phone today and set it so it will autocorrect ""I've"" to ""me've"" and me'm really excited about it."

"I went to the park earlier to play frisbee with me dog. It was shit! I think I need a flatter dog."