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Joke of the Day

"Thanksgiving is going to be hard this year because half my family dances to remember and the other half dances to forget."

"A farmer asks a physicist for a system to collect chicken eggs The physicist thinks for a while and says: -I have a solution, but it only works with spherical chickens and in vacuum."

"I ejaculated in my girlfriend's face. She never saw it coming. She's blind."

"I always lock my front door before I get in the shower 'cause if a killer broke in & heard me singing I'd be HUMILIATED."

"For Follow Friday I recommend Saturday."

"*calls boss* Me: I can't come to work. Boss: Why not? Me: Gotham city needs me. Boss: ...You're not Batman. Me: Oh, yes, yes, exaaaactly."

"I was waiting in line for soup at my favorite Vietnamese food truck... When this guy pushes in front to place his order. I'm like, ""Dude, pho queue."""

"What do you call a woman with no clitoris ? What ever you want. She isn't going to come."

"What's the difference between a church bell & a politician? A church bell peals from the steeple."

"How can you tell that you had sex with a Mexican woman the night before? You wake up with a jalapeno seed on your dick."