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Joke of the Day

"My wife asked me why I was walking around the house with a gun I responded, ""Because of those fucking decepticons!"" I laughed. She laughed. The toaster laughed. I shot the toaster."

"What did the bee say to his wife? No on knows. It's a Mister Bee."

"What did the mute man say to his father"

"Whenever I'm nervous on a business call, I just envision the person on the other end of the phone as a muppet."

"I'm classically trained in the art of Nintendo."

"What's the loudest thing in the last two Harry Potter films? Deaf Lee's ""HELLO!"""

"Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween, I'm guessing it's because they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors."

"In Soviet Russia, Crimea River."

"What's the difference between a 1950s mental asylum and my fridge? One's filled with fruits and vegetables, the other's my fridge."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo and a chick pea? I've never had a garbanzo on my chest."