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Joke of the Day
"I can speak any language. I just don't understand what I'm saying in anything but english."
Next Joke
"You know there are some trained minds that can tell a lot about a person just by looking at them. I like to call said minds 'Presumptious, judgemental Assholes.'"
"How did the woman feel when she got run over by a car? Tired."
"My daughter is now at the age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex. This morning she asked, ""Was that the best you could do?"""
"The titanic is all like... ""I nominate all my passengers for the ice bucket challenge"""
"A woman files for divorce from her husband... citing that he makes too many Star Wars puns. When asked if this is true the husband says, ""Divorce is strong with this one."""
"Many people are shocked when they find out I'm not a good electrician."
"How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat? She can fit into your wife's clothes"
"hey look! *picks up a tiny ghost costume off pavement* how cool is thi ew why is it wet? ""dude, that's a condom"""
"Do ten millipedes equal one centipede?"