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Joke of the Day
"What is green and has wheels on it? A grass parking lot."
Next Joke
"Mom and Dad said I was bad for putting a cell phone in my vagina but I don't know why. I always come when I'm called."
"Just saw the Lego Movie... ...it was very well *pieced* together! (Got this off Doug Benson's 'Doug Loves Movies' podcast)"
"How do you take your coffee? **Barista:** How do you take your coffee? **Customer:** Ferguson Police **Barista:** Huh? **Customer:** Black, two shots."
"Why did the children cross the playground? To get to the other slide."
"These next few days are going to be just like the OJ Riots. Oh wait..."
"What did the sea-world trainer's friend say to him after he spilled water on his friends lap? You did that on porpoise"
"Yo mama so fat she's got her own area code!"
"Me: ""Can I put this sweatshirt in the dryer?"" Wife: ""Well, what does it say on it?"" Me: ""Buffalo Sabres."" Wife: ""You're an idiot"""
"What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock? It repeated on him."