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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear that joke about mosquitoes? it's malarious."

"What's the difference between rape and extortion? How you spell blackmail"

"My ex wife still misses me but her aim is getting better"

"My wife said to take the dogs for a walk because they looked like they needed to go out. But I think they're full of crap."

"Interviewer:Do you have time for a question? A: Yes...but...do...you...have...time...for...my...answer?"

"Flossed for the first time in a long time. .... I don't remember eating all that blood, but a lot got stuck in there."

"A roman centurion walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The barkeeper looks at him and says ""mate, don't you mean a martini?"" The centurio answers ""if i wanted a double i would've ordered it!"""

"Have you heard the one about the three holes in the ground? Well well well..."

"Watch 'Titanic' backwards and it's the feel-good story of a ship that rescues a bunch of drowning swimmers and takes them on a dream cruise."

"PERSONAL TRAINER: How's your nutrition? ME: *dipping my burrito into custard* Not going to lie. It's been worse."