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Joke of the Day

"Knock, knock. Honey, have you finished taking pictures of yourself for facebook? Daddy needs to take a sh!t.."

"Poor Bob Holness Only been at the pearly gates five minutes, when Amy Winehouse stumbles over and asks 'can I have an E please Bob'."

"What's the difference between a girl scout and a Jew? Girl scouts come home from camp"

"Why did Bill Clinton cross the road? Because his dick was stuck in the chicken."

"The life of a Dick. A dick has a sad life. His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an asshole; his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him habitually."

"I checked my phone while I was mowing the lawn and now we don't have a garden."

"I get bummed out when I end up being on time but I'd worked up a really solid ""why I'm late"" story."

"Never have phone sex You'll catch hearing-aids"

"When I went to church today I farted So I sat in pew"

"What did the magician's assistant say to the magician after the show? ""Thanks for halving me."""