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Joke of the Day

"We get it, painters: you love naked women and bowls of fruit."

"How is the elevator business? Oh, it has its up and downs..."

"My favorite Jesus is the one who gives musicians MTV Video Music Awards. My second favorite Jesus is my landscaper."

"okay Mary that guy just smiled at you play it cool oh my god he's coming over here play it cool play it cool HI THERE I'M WEARING TWO BRAS"

"My girlfriend just emailed me a photo of us on our first date together. It's a very treasured memory for me. Problem is, the file wont open on my computer. I guess I have emotional attachment issues."

"""Your breathing holes are very nicely shaped"" Flirting is so easy"

"What do you call a lad that put on his glasses? Seymour."

"The only time I hate being single is when I knock something over & catch it before it hits the ground but there's no one around to see it."

"A local caricature artist got arrested today I always thought he was a sketchy type of guy."

"What's the difference between sex and golf? In golf one bad hole won't kill you."