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Joke of the Day

"I think most of you probably already know about the first rule of Assumption Club."

"Life is like a toilet paper... You're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole."

"First woman in space ""Houston, we have a problem."" What? ""Never mind."" What's the problem? ""Nothing."" Please tell us. ""I'm fine."""

"Some cardinals and some ordinals walked into a bar, but the ordinals walked in first."

"After being diagnosed with a multiple personality disorder, I phoned my boss to tell him I'd need time off. ""You're self-employed you stupid bastard,"" I said."

"Where does bad light end up? in prism"

"Rockstar has pretty much confirmed it's making a new Red Dead ... ... Grand Theft Auto V dlc with new customizable skins inspired by attire in the famous western-themed game."

"CW: Aimee, could I get your signature on this agreement? Me: *pauses* (with Cheeto stained lips) *kisses paper* CW: Me: That's my signature."

"[doctors] ""How long have I got?"" ""Not long. Two, three months"" [casually places apple on desk] ""Ok, ok, six. Just get that out of here!"""

"A man is standing on the top of a tall building about to commit suicide... ...when a physicist at the bottom shouts up, ""Don't do it! You have so much potential!"""