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Joke of the Day

"CW: Aimee, could I get your signature on this agreement? Me: *pauses* (with Cheeto stained lips) *kisses paper* CW: Me: That's my signature."

"I have this fun drinking game where you take a drink every time you'd like one because you're an adult and you can make decisions yourself."

"I really hate it when I have to go to work because my abundant wealth doesn't exist."

"90 people have swine flu and everybody wants to wear a mask. A million people have AIDS and nobody wants to wear a condom."

"What do you call a nap in computer science class? A CS-ta"

"I told my wife I lost 10 lbs in one hour ""No way. That's impossible!"" she said. ""Trust me,"" I said, ""I have no idea where our baby is."""

"My favorite sex position is the JFK I splatter all over her while she tries to get out of the car."

"Perfect timing! This lined up perfectly couldn't resist! http://imgur.com/zR7wcds"

"Call me ignorant, but I have no idea what you're talking about. - ""That's exactly what ignorant means."" I don't get it."

"A Roman walks into a bar.... A roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers. ""5 pints please."""