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Joke of the Day

"i could miss 4 days of school in a row in HS and have all A's and you zone out for 38 seconds in college and ur grade goes from a B to a G"

"How to Talk to Women Who Are Inside an MRI Tube"

"A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside."

"My phone died, so I was forced to ""print"" a physical copy of my boarding pass, just like The Wright Brothers used to in the olden days"

"Life is like a box of idiots."

"One is the loneliest number. Seven is kinda racist. Nine needs to just come out already. Four drinks to forget. Three is angry, so so angry."

"How many US Congressmen does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh, please. Like they've ever changed anything that needed it."

"Two melons were out for a romantic dinner. One melon said to the other, ""Honey, dew you love me?"" The other replied, ""Yes, but I cantaloupe!"" ### ...I'll show myself out"

"Don McClean's wife just surpassed American Pie as his greatest hit."

"I lost a good friend today, he asked me to pick up some non-alcoholic beer."