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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend told me she loved me and wanted to marry me so I shot her in self defense."

"I'm diabetic, and I can't eat sweets It'll cost me an arm and a leg. (It's ok for me to post this, cos I am actually a diabetic)"

"What's the difference between Audi drivers and a cactus? Audi drivers have pricks on the inside"

"What is the difference between an Afghanistani Primary School and a Taliban Base? What would I know, I am just a drone pilot."

"'911 HELP SOMEONE BROKE INTO MY HOUSE' uh ok, wow. not loving your tone. why don't you hang up, lose the 'tude and lets try that again, pal"

"The Vietnamese hooker who works next to the asbestos factory always says, ""Ooh, me so thelioma."""

"What did the squirrel say when he looked up the woman's dress? What a Cunt, got no Nuts."

"it's ridiculous to estimate the size of a man's weiner by looking at his hands or feet. just ask him to show you. if it's small, he won't."

"An old man was having a check up.... The doctor asked how hid erections were doing. ""They come and go."""

"I met my town's bishop at Easter mass today but I think he might be an imposter... ... he didn't move diagonally"