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Joke of the Day

"Standing in disbelief at an automated door that isn't opening for me is the closest I'll ever feel to having been born rich."

"Did you know Hitler's father was a cobbler? He made Jews."

"I hate math.. I'll give you a number of reasons why!"

"What's Irish and stays out on your deck? Paddy O'furniture"

"When I masturbate at home... I'm at homecoming."

"Why was the strawberry sad? His mom was in a jam!"

"It's illegal to shine a laser pointer at a plane because a cat might attack the plane"

"Did you hear about the crazy chickens that took over a farm? It was a cuckoo coop coup."

"How do you greet an overweight Micronesian when you're trying to sound cool? Microsoft Word."

"How do landscapers keep their seams from ripping? Well let me tell you; They don't beat around the bush! They nip it in the bud and use Hem-Lock!"