202706

Joke of the Day

"How do you greet an overweight Micronesian when you're trying to sound cool? Microsoft Word."

"Paint thinner? Bullshit. Been painting myself with it all week. Still fat."

"*open up knapsack and a parachute comes out* Kid: But that means- *Dad is hurtling towards the ground with a sandwich and apple*"

"Does Kanye really think America would elect a black man from the south side of Chicago with an odd name? Give me a break..."

"How do Jedi plan for retirement? With a Hoth IRA. I'll see myself out."

"What did the goat say to his friend after he cut his arm? I'm bleating all over the place!"

"Pretty rude of you to have a crush on someone else when I've done absolutely nothing to show I'm attracted to you."

"2 guys walk into a bar... The third guy ducks."

"What did the Pharaohs use to keep their babies quiet? Egyptian dummies."

"Today was so terrible, I thought Steven Seagal was in it."