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Joke of the Day

"M: I can't access Twitter IT: We blocked twitter M: What am I supposed to do with this computer now? IT: Work? M: Who hurt you?"

"They told us to get in formation So, I started investigating."

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish shepherd? Mick Jagger yells ""Hey! You! Get off my cloud!"" The shepherd yells ""Hey! McLeod! Get off my ewe!"""

"Why do smarter people last longer when having sex? Because it takes twice as long to fuck their brains out"

"""Hey, let's share a bottle of wine and try out the shriek-laugh we've been rehearsing."" -The women next to everyone everywhere."

"Not Going To Try This Again"

"A horse walks into a bar in Area 51 and the bartender asks [punchline has been deleted by the American Government]"

"DENTIST: let's get started, shall we? *places drill on tray* ME: um D: *places giant needle on tray* ME: uhhhhh D: *places handgun on tray*"

"How can you tell a skinhead is shaved down there When the carpet matches the drapes"

"What did the fat piece of shit say when he screwed up? Sorry that I screwed up **lards**."