85422

Joke of the Day

"*gets woken up by a tap on my shoulder* ""Daddy, how do you get yogurt out of the toaster when it's done toasting?"""

"Me: I'm completely lost. What's going on in this movie? Him: Lin, I just hit play 90 seconds ago. Me: Wow! New record."

"I just ordered a chicken and an egg off Amazon.... I want to see which one comes first."

"How to stop, drop and roll if you are drunk. If you're drunk, it's not called the stop, drop and roll. It's called the stop, drop and stop rolling around so your drunk friend can piss on you."

"Mike said he's breaking up w/ u cause you're not very smart & u have issues Me: OMG I DO NOT HAVE HIS SHOES WE DONT EVEN WEAR THE SAME SIZE"

"What's wrinkly and hangs out your pants? Your mother."

"Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines? He drew 100 cats on the paper. He thought the teacher had said lions."

"There are 2 cats. One is called ""One Two Three"" and the other is called ""Un Deux Trois"", which is the best at swimming? ""One Two Three"" obviously. Because ""Un Deux Trois"" cat sank"

"I hate people who think it's cool to take drugs ...like customs officers"

"Battlefield calls 911 Battlefield: Hi I'd like to turn myself in for a murder 911: Who's the victim? Battlefield: Call of Duty"