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Joke of the Day

"My week is basically: Monday Monday #2 Monday #3 Monday #4 Friday Saturday Pre-Monday"

"I went to see a theatrical performance on the history of language Turns out it was just a play on words."

"Snape: ""I think the Dark Lord has returned."" Potter: ""Are you serious?"" Snape: ""No, I'm Severus."""

"*Do not consume if seal is broken* I've just gone through this whole box of animal crackers and haven't found one seal."

"What do cheese and cancer have in common? Americans put it everywhere!"

"7yr old ""Do women get their periods on weekends too?"" Me ""Yes"" 7yr old mutters to herself ""Jesus Christ"""

"The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home."

"[the cops release the cadaver sniffing dogs into my living room for the third time this week] ME: *pauses netflix* I told you I'm not dead!"

"Technical truths: according to chemistry, alcohol actually is a solution!!"

"Why'd the crazy guy jump out of the hot air balloon's basket? He wanted to escape from the ballooney bin."