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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a kitten and your wife? You actually want to cuddle a kitten after you fuck it."

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"Why do women have periods? because they deserve them."
"What's the currency in space? Starbucks"
"(for this tweet pretend you've heard of the 1999 French film ""Human Resources"") Human Resources 2: This Time it's Personnel"
"My parents tried to abort me but I was still born."
"[Hospital front desk] ""Yeah my wife is here for weight loss surg-"" *wife hits me* ""Baby delivery, I mean she's here to deliver a baby"""
"My dick was in the Guinness Book of World Records... But then the librarian told me to take it out."
"Why can't the band Def Leppard make music anymore? They all lost their hearing"
"Therapist: We must remove our masks and express our true selves Yoga instructor: True Nutritionist: So wise Raccoon: This is bullshit, Alan"
"I worry that people who say ""I'll sleep when I'm dead"" may have missed a Science class or two."
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