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Joke of the Day

"Q: What do you call it when a cat bites? - A: Catnip!"

"I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me."

"Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now"

"What's the difference between a cowardly sex offender and your job? Your job will always suck"

"How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side."

"*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn't reply to my last 43 texts & then you tweeted about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?"

"I don't know. I feel like a zoo that specialized in morbidly obese animals would be a fun time but I've had a few drinks so I don't know."

"[sex in car] ME: Remember when you could do this without fear of strangers watching? BF: Yes UBER DRIVER: Would you like a water?"

"I once went out with a girl who worked with bees My friends said she was a keeper"

"How did a mom figure out her daughter had hit puberty? She kept wetting the bed."