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Joke of the Day

"I think comic book bad guys have the right idea, aiming their weapons directly at Captain America's shield. That's probably his weak point."

"I want to name my computer ""Dat Ass"" So every so often my computer will ask me if I want to Back Dat Ass up."

"What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood? Going inside to ask for a coat hanger."

"Two peanuts walk out of a bar one was assaulted( a salted)......peanut"

"A BJ a days keep the sluts away from my man..."

"Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? He lay awake in bed all night, wondering if there was really a dog."

"So two penguins are sitting in a bathtub... And one says to the other, ""Can you pass the soap?"" and the other says, ""What do I look like, a typewriter?"""

"Adroit python swallowed male and female rabbits and doesn't need a food anymore."

"I never use the term ""feminazi""... Because the Nazis actually got stuff done. Edit: Thanks for all the love and hate Reddit."

"What peanut butter do total dicks eat? Schmuckers."