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Joke of the Day

"No. Skinny girls shouldn't be in charge of the office thermostat. You need a middle-aged woman with hot flashes named Brenda on the dial."

"If you jump through the hole in a hipster's earlobe you get transported to a SIMS game where the only people are Harry Potter characters"

"Oxygen atom was looking for threesome. Poor guy got ozoned"

"Why don't lobsters share? Because they're shellfish..."

"Why did Paul Walker cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing a seatbelt"

"How do you know when your wife is having an orgasm? when you come home from work and see my car in your driveway....."

"Two buddies are working a job together John calls to tell Rick he can't make it today because he cut his dick in two. Now they're both half staffed."

"How awesome were the 50s? None of the girls had tramp stamps & you could smoke in hospitals."

"I hate it when I accidentally grab two pieces of pizza and then have to eat the whole thing to keep it even."

"Someone asked me if it's true that all the women I've made love to have been depressed I said, ""That depends...do you mean before or after?"""