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Joke of the Day

"How do you know when your wife is having an orgasm? when you come home from work and see my car in your driveway....."

"I have nothing in common with people who eat 1 Pringle at a time instead of frantically shoving 20 in their mouth like it's a wood chipper ."

"Chrysler is recalling over 24,000 vehicles due to unexpected brake failure that could put many unsatisfied customers out of their misery."

"What is Michal Jackson A Chocolate Cracker (if they exist)"

"Nobody I'll change my facebook username to NOBODY so that way when people post crappy posts,and i press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this"

"I said to my girlfriend, ""Do you want to experiment with a role-play rape fantasy?"" She said, ""**NO!**"" I said, ""*That's the spirit!*"" Jimmy Carr"

"Eunuchs have been historically given influence or wealth as part of their compensation package."

"What did Lochte say after his teammates told the police what really happened? ""...and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medaling kids!"""

"[3rd grade] bae: come over me: no bae: my parents aren't home. me: but we're only 7, that's awful parenting. bae: but- me: AWFUL. PARENTING."

"I'm worried, about that one cute sweet innocent girl who keeps liking my fb post."