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Joke of the Day

"Take time to relax especially when you don't have time for it."

"Gay people try to say they're not as permiscuous as they're made out to be, but I've had three separate gay men offer me blowjobs And I've never had that happen with a straight guy"

"Isn't it ironic that to be popular on social networks, you have to sacrifice your social life."

"Have you never heard of the boy that cried wolf??? The girl that coughed bees? The boy that sneezed sharks? The girl that shit spiders?"

"I was so hungry this morning I almost ate a clock.... I didn't because it's time consuming. Also, I'd have to go back for seconds. I'm here all day.."

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalotopus"

"A good friend bails you out of jail, a best friend is sitting in the cell right next to you, a worst friend framed both of you for murder."

"Did you hear about the statistician's party? The dress code was causal."

"If you're gonna buy me a drink...... At least push my stool in!"

"What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy"