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Joke of the Day

"SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who's ever used a cell phone will die"

"What do you call an elephant with a rabbit up it's sweater ? Warren !"

"I always use chloroform when stealing a child. Really puts the ""nap"" in ""kidnap""."

"when you walk down on a up escalator, is that time travel? really makes you think"

"A recent study of blue-collar workers showed that what they love best about their jobs is their days off."

"Why isn't there a neutron mod in the Skyrim Steam Workshop? Because there'd be no charge."

"Thanks for telling me your astrological sign, cause now I know a lot about your personality. Like you are a gullible dummy."

"The ""bishop"" came to our church today He was a fucking impostor. Never once moved diagonally."

"*time travels an infinite number of times to stop myself from eating the pizza but every time, future me just joins past me in eating it*"

"Why did the hipster burn their tongue? They ate their dinner before it was cool."