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Joke of the Day

"What do you get for stealing a slut's vegetables? Herpeas."

"What does a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky have in common? They both say ""Insert Bill Here"""

"When I watch an '80s movie I can't help but think about how all those malls are dead now."

"A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night... ... and he gets crabs. So the next day, he goes back to complain. And the woman says, ""Hey, it was only $5. What did you expect, lobster?"""

"I know it shouldn't it make me feel bad about myself, but why didn't a priest ever try to molest ME?"

"I used to give my co-workers nicknames based on their most dominant features, like 'Eats Her Feelings Julie' and 'Loves Abortions Brenda'."

"How does someone stop ISIS? Change their name to past tense, WASWAS."

"Getting over a musical upbringing is as simple as a 1, 2, a 1, 2, 3, 4."

"What do people from Cape Cod say to their butts? Hyannis"

"Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people."