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Joke of the Day

"I have abs...... .....olutely nothing"

"GEORGE WASHINGTON: We should put ""We Trust In God"" on our money THOMAS JEFFERSON: Great idea. Did you get that? YODA (taking notes): Yep"

"Before Twitter, I'd ignore dumb thoughts in my head like ""How do Vampires buy pants if they can't look in a mirror?"" Now, I tweet them"

"my neighbor who got his nut shot off last winter is outside gluing his license plate to his van"

"What do you call a bus filled with white people? A twinkie."

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? ""Why does the light bulb necessarily have to change?"""

"I feel for Hillary Clinton The FBI found a server in my basement too. She was from Hooters I think."

"Q. Why is gettig a blowjob from Joan Rivers like Going over Niagara Falls on a tightrope? A. They can both be life-enhancing experiences....unless you look down."

"Noah's ark. A side story. An elephant asks a dinosaur: -Did Noah send you a friend request on facebook? -No ............. -That's bad..."

"I hate how funerals are always at 9-10 AM... I'm not really a mourning person"